Memorable quotes for
Flirting with Disaster (1996) More at IMDbPro »

Tina: Every marriage is vulnerable, otherwise being married wouldn't mean anything, would it?

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Mary Schlichting: How do you feel?
Agent Paul: Vivid. I'm seeing colors I don't want to see.

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Valerie Swaney: All children break things. All children are forgiven. It's a gift from God.

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Nancy Coplin: Does anybody actually own a white Taurus, or are they all rentals?

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Mrs. Coplin: Why does he have to do the Roots thing? Aren't we good enough parents?

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Agent Paul: You do know it is a federal offense to destroy a United States Post Office?

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Mr. Coplin: San Diego has a big carjacking problem. They bump you, and when you stop, they mutilate you and take your car.

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Mary Schlichting: We love you very much. If you were Jeffrey Dahmer, we would still love you.

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Agent Tony: Do you mind if I look at your armpit?
Nancy Coplin: My armpit?
Agent Tony: It's my favorite part of a woman's body.

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Agent Paul: Is this a musical table?

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Nancy: Where'd you get the pup tent?

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Mel: I don't think you know me well enough to call me "Neurotic Guy".

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Nancy: No thanks, I'm not hungry.
Mel: Come on, Nance, you're always hungry.

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Tony: Where did you two come down on the whole circumcision controversy?
Tony: Personally, I think a boy's penis should look just like his father's.

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Tony: Nancy was saying you were having some tension about oral sex.

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Mel: Oh, so I'm 'Neurotic Guy', is that my designation?

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Tina: I guess it's just one of those ex-felon, pro-acid kind of non-smoking homes.

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Mrs. Coplin: [hearing the name Schlicting on the phone] The Shit Kings?

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Agent Paul: You can't catch the wind!

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Mrs. Coplin: This woman strikes me as being very dangerous.

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B&B lady: You are not B&B people!

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Agent Paul: Without spontaneity, the world of B&B's is fairly meaningless.

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Mel: [to Agent Tony] You got a lot of nerve. You come in here, you lick my wife's armpit. You know... I'm going to have that image in my head for the rest of my life with your tongue in there.
Nancy Coplin: You deserve it.

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Mr. Coplin: Why is everyone getting worked up all of the sudden? I thought we were gunna talk about getting new carpeting. Taking out this crap and putting in the wall-to-wall.

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Mary Schlichting: You apologize!
Lonnie Schlichting: I'm sorry.
Mary Schlichting: Sorry for what?
Lonnie Schlichting: I'm sorry that I put windowpane in Mel's quail, and I'm sorry that you ate it.

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Mrs. Coplin: I'm..uh..abrasive, pushy, defensive...my husband is...uh...food-phobic, passive-aggressive...eh?...c'mon!

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