Memorable quotes for
Brain Donors (1992) More at IMDbPro »

Roland T. Flakfizer: And that spells cash with a capital...
Jacques: K!
Roland T. Flakfizer: You should go back to school.
Jacques: I hated teaching.

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[Wondering where Flakfizer has hidden his lover]
Lazlo: Ah! Your suite!
Roland T. Flakfizer: You're pretty terrific yourself.

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Jacques: Are you Roland T. Flakfizer?
Flakfizer: That all depends. Do I owe you money?
Jacques: No.
Flakfizer: In a drunken stupor, did I promise to marry you?
Jacques: No.
Flakfizer: Then I'm your man!

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Flakfizer: Let's step outside and settle this like men!
Lazlo: We are outside.
Flakfizer: OK, let's step inside and settle it like women.

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Roland T. Flakfizer: Money's no object! It isn't mine!

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Roland T. Flakfizer: I didn't know the meaning of the word "no," but he had it down pretty good.

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Roland T. Flakfizer: Some day you'll have my children. In fact, they're in the car if you want them.

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Roland T. Flakfizer: If there's anything I can ever do for you... forget it, because I don't do those kinds of things.

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Rocco Melonchek: You're lying.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Of course I am, but hear me out!

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Roland T. Flakfizer: Please, call me what everyone else calls me: "Your Royal Sex Machine."

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Roland T. Flakfizer: Sorry, two's company, and three's an adult movie.

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Rocco: Charity work. I gather these for those less fortunate than myself who can't afford pornography.

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Tina: Was that the doorbell?
Roland T. Flakfizer: That wasn't you?

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Lillian Oglethorpe: Then it's settled. I am so excited.
Roland T. Flakfizer: You're excited? Feel these nipples.

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Roland T. Flakfizer: And she looks like she's about fifteen.
Lazlo: No, no, no.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Okay, fourteen then. In fact I know she's fourteen, because I was dating her a year ago.

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Roland T. Flakfizer: Dear Lillian, soon I hope to take you on a Carribbean cruise, where we can hold hands on a soft summer's evening and watch that old Jamaican moon. Why that old Jamaican will be mooning us, I have no idea.

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Roland T. Flakfizer: I'm all out of American currency. Here, take a fistful of Romanian fifties.

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Roland T. Flakfizer: "No?" Flakfizer doesn't know the MEANING of the word "No!" We're also a little fuzzy on "panaglutin" and "viscosity."

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Roland T. Flakfizer: It's said that behind every great man there is a great woman, and I'm glad the woman behind me is Lillian; because, quite frankly, I enjoy the shade.

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[the amount on a taxi meter is rising quickly]
Roland T. Flakfizer: Aren't those numbers going by a little fast?
Rocco Melonchek: You're probably just a speed reader.

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Roland T. Flakfizer: So, do you enjoy being a cab driver?
Rocco Melonchek: Nah. As soon as I get my driver's license, I'm quitting.

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Rocco Melonchek: We'll have to perform a full rectum-ology.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Fondue, an epidemic! drop those pants... Not you, the patient.
Doctor: I thought you were cardiologists...
Rocco Melonchek: Uh, well, they're all connected, we enter the rectum and head north.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Why do you think we have such long instruments?

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Flakfizer: [Talking on cellular phone] How did the market close? Uh-huh. Well, roll over my amalgamated, split my utilities, and double my capital venture overlays. Now call me in an hour, and tell me what the hell I'm talking about!

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Laslow: [upon discovering that the doctors were the three men in disguise] Ah hah! So you were the doctors!
Rocco: No we're not them. We're somebody else. The men you're looking for are our identical twin brothers, and you'll never see us together, 'cause we love the same women!

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Rocco: [as a dog rips his trouser leg] What a charming little animal.
Lillian Oglethorpe: Do you know dogs, Mister Melonchek?
Rocco: Know dogs? I used to be a chef in a Korean restaurant!

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Roland T. Flakfizer: You're not going to try and cheat me or anything.
Rocco Melonchek: I give you my word a gentleman.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Well you had me until then.

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Volare: Do you realize what I was doing at the age of seven?
Roland T. Flakfizer: I can imagine and you must be thankful you didn't go blind.
Volare: I was dancing professionally.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Whatever you call it. Flogging the carrot, polishing the cuestick, choking the chicken, clearing the snorkel...

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Jacques: What about me?
Roland T. Flakfizer: To show you no fairness, Rocco and I will also split your salary 50/50.
Jacques: Thanks!
Roland T. Flakfizer: That should you keep you out of a high income tax bracket. In fact, that you should keep you out of any income tax bracket.

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Volare: I told you before... Don't hang my tights by the crotch! it throws off my bulge!

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Roland T. Flakfizer: Miss, these seats are dreadful. They're facing the stage.

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Usherette: Five and six.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Eleven. Now it's your turn: twenty-five and sixty-seven.

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Flakfizer: Lillian, I could make love to you right here.
Lillian Oglethorpe: Roland, let's keep this professional.
Flakfizer: Fine. I'll charge you fifty bucks a pop.

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Volare: My dance shoes are in the Louvre in Paris.
Flakfizer: Big deal. Last year I left a raincoat in Cleveland.

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Rocco Melonchek: [checking Mrs. Oglethorpe's pulse] I don't feel a thing. This woman is dead!
Flakfizer: You're holding *his* wrist!
Rocco Melonchek: Then this man is dead!

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Jacques: Society's too blame.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Too much violence in the movies.
Rocco Melonchek: It's my environment.
Jacques: We were carrying out orders!
Roland T. Flakfizer: It's the Japanese. They're buying up everything.
Rocco Melonchek: Did we leave anything out?

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