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9 1/2 Ninjas! (1991)
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Overview
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The first erotic martial arts action comedy. morePlot Keywords:
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Worst of the Worst moreCast
(Cast overview, first billed only) | Michael Phenicie | ... | Joe Vogue |
 | Andee Gray | ... | Lisa Thorne |
 | Robert Fieldsteel | ... | Arnold Gruber |
| Magda Harout | ... | Gladys Vogue |
 | Tommy 'Tiny' Lister | ... | Cutter (as Tiny Lister) |
| Don Stark | ... | Sledge |
| Barbara Leary | ... | Dimitri |
| Paul Jabara | ... | Mr. Ninja (voice) |
| Sharon Lee Jones | ... | Zelda |
| Monty Hoffman | ... | Isaac |
| Rance Howard | ... | Ninja Negotiator |
 | Gerald Okamura | ... | Master |
 | Keaton Simons | ... | Young Joe |
| Kitsan | ... | Otto |
| Ralph Manza | ... | Old Man |
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Not like anyone really will see this page (unless accidentally via a search for ninja-themed movies, which is totally understandable), but for your own sake, do not watch this movie. I have seen perhaps twenty movies that are on the Bottom 100 (and many that should be, like this), and I can honestly say that this, along with Charge of the Light Brigade and 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain, is the most unbearably bad movie ever.
It's not "so bad it's good," despite what some might think. It's "did human beings really think 'hey, let's make this movie' and why am I gritting my teeth so hard?" Honestly, even as spoof films go, it's terrible. Not one joke is funny. Not ONE. Some parts (the whole movie) are so unfunny, that one wonders if the script were written by anyone over the age of five.
It doesn't deserve to have the word "ninjas" in the title. It doesn't deserve to exist. Don't watch it. My friends and I did so that, hopefully, you all don't have to. Don't watch it.